Britt Combs: "Decision 2010: Ticks or tapeworms?"

Power knows only prosperity. An Associated Press story this week said it beautifully: "Turns out politics, for all its focus on the gloomy economy, is a recession-proof industry."

            The AP reports that congressional candidates alone -- forget the parties and PACs and state races -- have broken fundraising records this year. Former SEC chairman Michael Toner told the AP that the current election season is shaping up to be "the most expensive ever." (Read, "profitable.") Political office is the industry of selling political favors, nothing more or less. Corporations and unions alike buy favors in the form of contracts, regulations and "too-big-to-fail" bailout insurance, licensing and hiring regulations that limit the labor pool to a few privileged union members and licensed professionals.

            Unemployment is approaching record highs for record duration. If it doesn't fall before January it will break a 1982-83 record of 19 months above 9 percent. But the 14.9 million officially unemployed are joined by the "underemployed" who have taken part-time jobs, gone back to school or dropped out of the "official" labor market and joined the underground economy. The AP puts that number at 26.2 million.   

            Meanwhile, Republicans and Democrats are bickering about how much of your remaining money you should be allowed to keep. The debate rages about extending the "Bush tax cuts" and even the president's draconian tax increase proposals do not begin to offset government luxury and waste. Allowing Americans to keep their money is called, without irony, an "expense" that will "cost the government" and all tax cuts (unlike lavish "infrastructure" spending) must be "paid for" by raising the taxes others must pay. No party leader is proposing a net cut in government spending.          

            As long as the host is alive the ticks and tapeworms will be glad to suck away at it. If it gets sick, the parasites suck with renewed vigor, attempting to get all the sustenance they can before the poor victim dies. As long as Americans stagger along, the Democrats and Republicans will be there, fear mongering for campaign contributions, raising taxes, penalizing enterprise and demanding an ever-increasing cut of the profits from the labors of others.

            I spent half an hour talking with a small business owner in Marion Tuesday. He said his son, a college freshman, was having trouble choosing a career path. With employment prospects so dismal, he's considering getting an advanced degree and seeking refuge as a college professor, although that's not his inclination. Not that college teachers live particularly well, but it has been seen as fairly safe employment in a growth industry.

            It's a terrible dilemma. While parasites promise the moon on a string in exchange for votes and obedience (and enjoy a lavish lifestyle in the process), real Americans like my friend's son are wondering how they will eat and stay out of the rain. Perhaps he should consider a career in government.

            Of course there are tens of millions of peripheral government jobs -- cop, teacher, soldier, TSA naked body inspector, narc -- and many come with lavish retirement benefits, but why not go for the gold, if you have it in you? Work for either of the parties. All you need is fanatic belief in the goodness of government and a complete absence of pity or mercy.

            One of the most repugnant people I have ever met was also the happiest and wealthiest. He was a congressional staffer from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He was my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and he paid us a surprise visit on my birthday. He insisted on treating us to a vastly expensive supper and got raving, blistered drunk. He said his colleagues divided Americans into two classes: the "dumb a#*#s" and the "fat a#*@s." The art of successful government, he explained, was to tell the dumb a*%#s whatever they needed to hear to get their votes. Then you tax the fat a*%#s for all they're worth. Keep as much of that money as you can, and give a tiny portion of it to your constituency. Throughout the meal, and to the chagrin of the other diners, he kept yelling "I'm a ba-a-a-a-d man!" I learned more about America that one day that all my dedicated years of listening to Rush Limbaugh ever taught me.

            The most significant thing he taught me was this: At the end of the day, Republicans and Democrats, and their staffers, all drink in the same bars and hang out in the same country clubs. The scales fell from my young Republican eyes. North Carolina Republican Jesse Helms and Illinois Democrat Carol Moseley Braun were famously chummy, as were Republican Ronald Reagan and Democrat "Tip" O'Neill. When the cameras are off and the drinks are poured, all these people are on the same team -- and that team is playing against the rest of us.

            Underlying it all, of course, is fear. The parasitic class has convinced the host class that we need them. If we shed the ticks, the "rich" will get us; if we shed the tapeworms, the "Muslims" will get us. Tragically, we hosts will continue to vote exclusively for ticks and tapeworms.

Reporter and columnist Britt Combs writes for The McDowell News. He welcomes comments.